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My Mom’s 90, Has Dementia, and My Brother Wants Her to Buy a $500K House Nearby—Does That Even Make Sense?

Taking care of aging parents is tough enough. But when dementia enters the picture, everything gets a lot more complicated—especially when it comes to money. Suddenly, decisions aren’t just about numbers or what sounds good on paper. They’re about what’s really best for your parent’s wellbeing and the family as a whole.

I’ve seen this kind of situation play out way too many times: an elderly parent with dementia, an adult child pushing for a big financial move, and a property purchase that could change everything. And honestly, it’s rarely as simple as it sounds. Emotions, family dynamics, and a whole lot of uncertainty get tangled up in the mix.

The Emotional Pitch vs. The Financial Reality

Your brother probably has good intentions. Buying a house near him might seem like a win-win—closer to family, maybe easier care, and possibly a solid investment, right? But let’s pause and look at the real picture.

Real estate often feels like a safe bet, but when your mom is 90 and dealing with dementia, sinking half a million dollars into a house isn’t something to take lightly. Care costs tend to ramp up quickly, and that money tied up in property isn’t easy to access when you really need it.

Think about it: selling a home isn’t exactly instant or simple. You might have repairs, slow market conditions, or other hiccups. Meanwhile, your mom’s day-to-day care—home health aides, medical bills, unexpected emergencies—needs quick cash flow. A pricey home might feel like a steady anchor, but it could actually weigh the family down.

Who’s Actually Making These Decisions?

Here’s where things get tricky. Dementia can affect your mom’s ability to understand or consent to big financial moves. Sometimes, these purchases get disputed later because the parent couldn’t fully grasp what was happening.

If your mom set up a power of attorney, that person has the legal duty to act in her best interest. Buying a house near your brother only makes sense if your mom genuinely wants it, can afford it, and it doesn’t put her care at risk.

If she can’t clearly express her desires, most experts would advise hitting the brakes. A major purchase without a solid care plan and plenty of cash left over is usually a bad bet.

Is This Really an Investment?

Some might argue that real estate will go up in value, so why not buy instead of “throwing money away” on rent or assisted living? But real life isn’t that simple. Property values can be unpredictable, and owning a home comes with taxes, insurance, maintenance—and those costs don’t go away just because your mom is aging.

Also, consider the upkeep. Will your brother be the one handling repairs and modifications? What if his situation changes? And remember, when your mom passes, selling the house can drag on, especially if family members don’t agree on next steps.

Alternatives That Usually Work Better

Most families find it less stressful to rent or move their loved one into a care facility. Renting keeps money accessible, while assisted living or memory care facilities offer a package deal—housing, meals, and care all bundled into one predictable monthly cost.

Sure, buying a home for someone with dementia can work, but it’s rare. The success stories almost always include a clear care plan, a trusted caregiver nearby, and enough savings to cover years of care without needing to offload the property.

What Could Go Wrong?

• Liquidity crunch: If care needs spike unexpectedly, you might have to sell the house fast, possibly at a loss.
• Family drama: Other siblings could feel left out or suspicious, especially if your brother stands to gain from this arrangement.
• Legal battles: Questions about your mom’s capacity to consent could lead to years of court fights and drained resources.

When Might It Make Sense?

There are exceptions. Buying property could work if your mom is still fairly independent, insists on living at home, and has plenty of money to cover future care costs. Or if the house is already a family property or a great deal, intended to be a long-term family home.

But these cases usually involve clear, written plans everyone agrees on—care, finances, inheritance. Without that, it’s a gamble.

When This Usually Doesn’t Work

Two big red flags to watch out for:

1. Rapid health decline: If your mom’s dementia progresses quickly, she might not be able to stay safely at home, making the property more of a burden.
2. Financial strain: Locking most assets into a house can leave little for quality care or emergencies, forcing a rushed sale later on.

Also, a recent home purchase can complicate or block eligibility for Medicaid, if your mom needs government assistance down the road.

So, What’s the Bottom Line?

Buying a $500,000 property for a 90-year-old with dementia usually isn’t a wise move. The risks tend to outweigh the benefits, especially when care needs can change so fast.

Before making a decision, ask yourself: is this really about what’s best for Mom, or is it about convenience or emotions? It’s tough, but stepping back and getting advice from an elder law attorney and a financial planner who know the ins and outs of senior care can save a lot of headaches later.

At the end of the day, making these choices with clarity and care means fewer regrets—and a bit more peace of mind for everyone involved.

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