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“Am I crazy?” My boyfriend’s parents say he shouldn’t marry me until he earns $50K a year. Who’s really at fault here?

Money and relationships—both tricky on their own, right? But when you mix them, things can get downright messy fast. Lately, I’ve noticed a lot of couples hitting roadblocks around what it means to be “financially ready” for marriage. A reader recently reached out with this question: “Am I crazy? My boyfriend’s parents say he shouldn’t marry me until he earns $50,000 a year.” Trust me, this isn’t some rare, one-off situation.

Family expectations about money are nothing new, but this $50K rule is an interesting one. So let’s dig into what that number actually means today—and whether it makes any sense at all.

Is $50,000 really the magic number for marriage?

The short answer? It depends. And no, you’re not crazy for raising an eyebrow at this “rule.”

What does $50K look like in 2024?

For a little context, the median individual income in the U.S. is around $56,000, according to recent Census data. That means half of Americans actually make less than that. But here’s the catch: those numbers don’t tell the full story. Where you live, your debt load, and the local job market can make a huge difference.

$50K in New York City is a totally different ballgame than $50K in a small town in the Midwest. I’ve worked with folks in expensive cities who make $70K and still feel stretched thin, while others are thriving on $40K in places with a lower cost of living.

Where does this $50K rule even come from?

Usually, it comes from a place of care and concern. Parents want their kids to have a secure start, hoping to protect them from hardship. A lot of these expectations are shaped by their own experiences—whether it was growing up during tough economic times or seeing what “comfortable” used to look like.

But here’s the reality check: waiting for the perfect financial moment might mean waiting forever. Student debt, high rents, and slow wage growth are making it tough for many young people to hit numbers like this as quickly as previous generations did.

So, who’s to blame here?

Blame is tempting but rarely helpful. Sometimes, it’s parents holding onto outdated ideas. Other times, it’s couples who haven’t talked enough about money and expectations. And often, it boils down to fear—fear of instability, fear of failure.

Money is emotional. It’s tangled up with self-worth, anxiety, and dreams for the future. The real issue is usually a lack of honest conversations about what “enough” really means for both of you.

Does making $50K mean you’re ready to get married?

Not necessarily.

Marriage is about partnership, not just paychecks. I’ve seen couples with modest incomes build amazing lives together because they communicate openly and share values. And I’ve also seen couples with high incomes fall apart because they never talked about money in a healthy way.

More important than the number on a paycheck are questions like:

• Are you on the same page about saving and spending?
• Do you have a plan to handle debt and emergencies?
• Can you talk about money without it turning into a fight?

If you can say “yes” to these, you’re already ahead of many couples.

When the $50K rule just doesn’t add up

Sticking to “wait until $50K” can actually hold couples back. I know people who delayed marriage, kids, or buying a home because they were chasing a salary that kept feeling out of reach.

Here’s another thing: two people making $35K each and sharing expenses can often be in a better spot than one person making $50K alone. Teamwork matters. Sometimes starting your life together earlier lets you pool resources and grow faster.

That said, the parents might have a point if there’s big debt involved or one partner isn’t contributing. I’ve seen relationships where one person ends up carrying all the financial stress—and that breeds resentment.

The downside of waiting for a higher salary

Waiting for that “perfect” salary can mean putting your life on hold, and that can affect more than just your bank account—it can impact your mental health, family plans, and happiness. Plus, chasing a moving target like “$50K” can easily turn into $60K, $70K, and beyond.

On the flip side, rushing into marriage without being ready—emotionally or financially—can put serious stress on the relationship. Money fights are one of the biggest predictors of divorce, so it’s worth getting things right.

What I’d tell someone in this situation

The real question isn’t “Am I crazy?” but rather, “Are we being realistic about our finances together?” Sit down and build a budget. Be upfront about income, debt, and where you want to go financially. Look at your combined money picture: Can you live comfortably? Handle emergencies?

If yes, then you’re likely more ready than the $50K rule lets on.

If you haven’t had those tough money talks yet, it’s probably smart to wait—regardless of income. Financial compatibility isn’t about hitting a salary milestone, it’s about mindset and communication.

Who’s “right” in this whole mess?

The honest answer? Nobody—and everybody. Parents want security for their kids. Couples want to move forward. The world today is more expensive and complicated than ever.

The best move is to have open, honest money talks early and often. Don’t let some arbitrary number decide your future.

I’ve seen couples thrive on much less than $50K and struggle on much more. It’s less about the paycheck and more about the teamwork behind it.

So no, you’re not crazy. The mistake would be letting other people’s fears steer your biggest life choices. Talk it out, build a plan, and remember: your marriage is yours—not anyone else’s.

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