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‘We’ve Been Dating for 5 Years’: My Boyfriend’s Parents Say He Doesn’t Earn Enough to Marry. Should I Talk to His Dad?

Money and relationships? That combo is tricky, right? So many couples find themselves stuck on the whole “when to get married” question—and often, it turns out money is a bigger deal than romance. Your situation isn’t unusual at all. After five years together, your boyfriend’s parents are basically putting the brakes on marriage because of his income.

Let’s unpack what’s really happening here and why money gets people so worked up in situations like this.

Why Money Becomes a Stand-In for Readiness

The idea of “earning enough” isn’t as straightforward as it sounds. Some families want to see a stable paycheck, benefits, and savings before they feel marriage is on solid ground. Others might expect their kid to be making more than their friends or have a chunk saved for a house.

Often, income isn’t about the actual dollars so much as what they represent—like maturity, responsibility, and the ability to handle life’s ups and downs. Parents worry about whether their child (and future grandkids) will be okay if the unexpected happens. So money becomes a quick way to measure those deeper concerns.

That said, sometimes it’s just about status. Some parents want in-laws who look “successful” on paper. It stings when you know your partner is hardworking but still gets judged by a number on a paycheck.

Is It Worth Talking to His Dad?

Sometimes opening up a conversation can help clear the air. If you and your boyfriend are both comfortable with it, talking directly to his dad might shed light on any misunderstandings—maybe about your finances or your future plans together.

But watch out—it can backfire if his parents feel you’re stepping on toes. Some families want to keep these talks between parents and their child. Others might welcome your honesty and commitment.

If you do decide to chat, focus less on dollars and more on shared values. Talk about how you both approach money, support each other’s careers, and what your joint goals are. Parents often just want to know you’ve thought things through.

How Much Is “Enough” Anyway?

Here’s the thing—there’s no magic number that satisfies everyone. The average household income in the U.S. hovers around $70,000, but in pricey cities, that doesn’t stretch far. If his parents are comparing him to high-earners like doctors or engineers in your area, he might never meet their bar.

Waiting around for some perfect salary can be frustrating because life keeps throwing curveballs—rising rents, inflation, job shifts—making financial goals feel like moving targets. If you both are working hard, budgeting, and saving, you’re already doing better than a lot of couples out there.

That said, if your boyfriend struggles with unstable work, big debts, or managing money, it’s smart to face those issues head-on before tying the knot. Marriage isn’t just about love—it’s also a financial partnership.

Cultural Expectations and Family Dynamics

In some families or cultures, parental approval is a must-have before marriage. I’ve seen couples stuck for years because of income worries, or even breakups caused by it. In those cases, talking with parents is often not just helpful—it’s expected.

Other times, parents offer advice but don’t hold the final say. Pushing too hard for their blessing in those situations can cause more harm than good, especially if your boyfriend feels caught in the middle.

When Talking Doesn’t Move the Needle

Here’s the reality check: sometimes, no amount of talking fixes the problem. If his parents fundamentally don’t like the relationship or have other reasons beyond money, nothing you say will change their minds.

Also, if your boyfriend isn’t ready to stand up for himself, stepping in might make things worse. It could create tension between you two if they feel you’re undermining his independence.

Focus on Building Your Own Financial Foundation

Regardless of what his parents think, the most important thing is your financial teamwork. Set up a budget, chat openly about debts and savings, and plan for emergencies together. Couples who tackle money stuff early tend to be stronger, both financially and emotionally.

Start an emergency fund if you haven’t already. Talk about handling job loss, unexpected bills, or big purchases. These conversations matter way more than hitting a certain salary figure.

Could Financial Therapy Help?

If money and family drama are seriously stressing you out, getting help from a therapist or financial coach might be worth considering. A neutral voice can help you both set boundaries, communicate better, and handle parental expectations without losing yourselves.

It’s not a miracle cure, but it can reduce tension and help you show a united front to his family.

Wrapping It Up

What you’re dealing with is frustrating but far from unique. Money is always part of the marriage puzzle, whether we like it or not. If you’re committed to building a future together, focus first on defining what “enough” means for you two—not his parents.

If you decide to talk with his dad, come from a place of understanding and confidence in your shared vision. Remember, you can’t change their values or expectations—but you can control the financial life you build as a couple.

Stay strong. It might take time, but if your foundation is solid, everything else tends to fall into place.

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