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My Mom, 90, Has Dementia. My Brother Wants Her to Buy a $500K Property Near Him. Does That Even Make Sense?

When a parent’s health starts to decline—especially with something as tough as dementia—money decisions can feel overwhelming and happen fast. I’ve seen siblings who barely spoke for years suddenly become super involved (or territorial) when it comes to managing their parent’s finances. Lately, there’s this growing idea of “solving” elder care by buying big real estate. But is that really the answer?

The $500K Question

Here’s the core dilemma: Should a 90-year-old with dementia drop half a million bucks on a property just because one sibling lives nearby? It sounds off to many, but believe it or not, this kind of thing happens quite a bit.

The usual pitch goes something like: “If Mom has a house nearby, it’ll be easier to take care of her. She’ll be comfy, and it could grow in value as an investment.” Sometimes, there’s an unspoken angle, too—“It also keeps the inheritance close.”

Real Estate as an “Investment” in Old Age

Here’s where reality bites. Real estate is often seen as a steady, appreciating asset. But for someone in their 90s with dementia, the priorities shift. What matters most is flexibility, easy access to cash, and immediate care options—not potential appreciation over years or decades.

A $500K property means a big chunk of assets gets tied up. If Mom suddenly needs more specialized care—like memory support, in-home aides, or the move to assisted living—selling a house quickly can be tough. Families I know have had to accept lowball offers just to cover urgent care costs.

Legal Capacity: The Hidden Trap

Another big hurdle is legal competence. Dementia often means Mom isn’t in a position to make complex financial decisions. Many states require proof that the buyer is mentally capable of such transactions. If she’s not, the entire deal could get challenged later, leading to accusations of undue influence or even financial abuse.

This is a messy legal gray zone. Some siblings assume good intentions protect them, but trust me, family disputes over money can get ugly and expensive fast.

Better Alternatives to Consider

What actually works better is focusing on flexibility and professional care. Renting a place close to family can offer safety without locking up cash. At 90, property taxes, upkeep, and insurance all add up—and you rarely recoup those costs in the short time left.

Another practical move? Use that $500K for direct care—whether that’s home health aides or a reputable care facility. This keeps money liquid, lets care adjust as needs change, and avoids the headaches that come with big real estate deals.

When Might Buying Property Make Sense?

There are rare times when buying a home could work out. Maybe Mom is still fairly independent, the housing market is stable, and there’s a trusted power of attorney in place. A small, easy-to-manage home nearby could be okay. But honestly, most families underestimate how quickly dementia progresses and how much work maintaining a property requires.

Family Drama Alert

This is the part a lot of advice articles skip. When one sibling suggests a big purchase, others can feel left out or suspicious. Money and caregiving are emotional landmines. Even if your brother means well, the optics get complicated. Who owns the house? Who pays the bills? What if it’s in his name—does that really help Mom? These questions can turn siblings against each other and even end up in court.

The Real Costs You Don’t See

Buying a home isn’t just the sticker price. There are ongoing costs—property taxes, insurance, repairs, and day-to-day upkeep. A leaking roof or a busted furnace isn’t just an inconvenience; it’s a logistical headache someone has to manage. Adult kids often don’t realize how much time, energy, and money it takes to keep a property running, especially when they’re juggling jobs and their own families.

Where This Plan Can Fall Apart

First, this assumes Mom has enough assets to buy a house without hurting her care budget. Real estate ties up money that might be needed for medical bills. Plus, Medicaid and Medicare have strict asset limits—owning a pricey home could mean losing access to essential assistance.

Second, buying a house doesn’t guarantee better care. What if your brother loses his job, moves away, or has health problems himself? Mom could end up isolated, far from people and doctors she knows.

The Inheritance Factor

Let’s be real: sometimes these property ideas are about inheritance. A sibling might pitch it as a “good investment” but really hopes to keep the asset close for themselves later. That can cause resentment, legal battles, and family fractures. Courts take elder financial abuse seriously—even when plans seem well-intentioned.

What I’d Suggest

If your mom’s dementia has progressed, focus first on her care and legal safeguards—not on real estate. Talk to an elder law attorney about power of attorney, trusts, and medical directives. Keep her money flexible. Renting or modifying her current home with added support usually offers the most peace of mind.

If you’re seriously thinking about buying property, bring in a neutral expert—a financial planner or eldercare specialist. Make sure all siblings are involved and on the same page. This is more than money—it’s about family trust and your mom’s well-being.

The Bottom Line

A $500K property purchase for a 90-year-old with dementia usually isn’t a smart move. It locks up money, risks legal troubles, and can stir up family drama. Most families are better off keeping things simple, focusing on quality care, and avoiding big real estate gambles late in life. Sure, there are exceptions, but they’re rare—and the risks are real.

If you find yourself wondering, “Does this make sense?”—that’s your cue to pause, get advice, and put your mom’s care ahead of any investment dreams.

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